


What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

by rumpledspinster



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV), ouat
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, Suicide mention, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 15:37:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13216821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rumpledspinster/pseuds/rumpledspinster
Summary: In this AU set in a  1940s city of Storybrooke, Belle will do anything to keep her job at the newspaper, including printing a letter she made up. When the letter becomes a sensation she sees an opportunity to keep her job, she just needs to hire a guy to play the part of her John Doe. She meets a poor spinster by the name of Rafe Gold and gets more than she bargains for when she fits him into the story she's created.





	What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

 

Belle sighed as she came to the front of the newspaper building that she had worked so hard to get a job at and saw them taking down the sign and replacing it with a new, sleeker one. The newspaper was changing its layout and going for a newer, edgier look and feel. Belle felt her skin crawl as she saw all the other writers standing about in the main room. “What’s happening?” she whispered to Archie Hopper who wrote the advice column. He shrugged and whispered back, “The new owner, Ms. Mills, is going to announce which of us didn’t make the cut.” Belle gulped.

 

They all stared at Ms. Mills office door. Suddenly a very frazzled looking Mary, who was Ms. Mills secretary, stuck her head out of the door. She gulped and quickly announced, “You’re all being let go,” before quickly ducking back into the office.

 

Everyone collectively sighed, and Belle could hear a couple of people holding back sobs. Belle was infuriated. The audacity of the woman! She couldn’t even fire them to their faces!

 

Belle quickly made her way to the office door labeled “Editor and Chief”.

 

She opened the door and the clang of the blinds hitting the glass window of the door had Mary jumping, but Ms. Mills remained unmoved as she looked over papers at her desk.

 

Belle cleared her throat. “Ms. Mills I can’t afford to be out of work right now. Please, I’ll do anything. I make $30 a week, but I’ll take $25. I’ll even take $20! Please Ms. Mills.”

 

Ms. Mills looked up from her papers for the briefest moment. “It’s not the money Ms. French, it’s your column. I’m trying to boost subscriptions and sensationalism is what sells, and your column is all lavender and no lace.”

 

Belle was about to speak when Ms. Mills stopped her with a raised hand. “End of discussion. Submit your last article and pick up your check at the front desk.”

 

Belle sighed and left the office heading back for what used to be her own.

 

Belle sat down at her desk and looked at her nearly finished column and sighed. Then an idea struck her. She took a deep breath and smirked as she began to type. “All lavender and no lace huh? Well if she wants fireworks, then that’s what she’ll get!”

 

Belle typed furiously, the clicks of the keys echoing off the walls of her office. Done!

 

She headed to the front desk and handed it off. One of the girls went to get her check made out and the other read the article while they waited.

 

_Below is a letter that reached my desk this morning. It is a sad commentary on what we laughingly call a civilized world._

_Dear Ms. French,_

_Four years ago, I was fired out of my job and since then I have not been able to get another one. At first, I was angry at the state administration since it’s on account of the slimy politics here that we have all of this unemployment, but in looking around it seems the whole world is going down the sewer, so in protest I am going to commit suicide by jumping off the city hall roof._

_Signed a disgusted American citizen,_

_John Doe._

_Editors note: If you ask this column, the wrong people are jumping off the roofs._

“Ain’t it the truth!” The girl at the front desk shook her head. “This guy is saying what we all are thinking. Poor guy.”

 

Belle nodded her agreement and gratefully took her last check.

 

*

Ms. Mills rubbed her forehead and groaned. The Governor was absolutely livid about the John Doe letter that had ran in the paper. He was convinced it was a veiled attack by a political rival and how dare Ms. Mills allow herself to be bought!

 

She had assured him that it was no such thing and that she was a woman of integrity, and that in all likelihood this was a fake letter anyway; some rabble rouser out to start trouble and no more.

 

No sooner had she gotten him off the phone, the mayor was breathing down her neck. Apparently numerous angry citizens were demanding that he find a job for John Doe and that he pay for security to watch the roof so that the man could be saved. Ms. Mills had tried to explain that she had no contact information for this John Doe person, and therefore there was little she could do to create a retraction. All she could do is print a plea in the newspaper. “John Doe, the mayor urges you to think it over. Life can be beautiful. If you are in need of work, contact this paper and we will assist you.” The mayor decided that this would do… for now.

 

Ugh. Ms. Mills just wanted to crawl into bed with a bottle of wine.

 

“Where is that wretched girl?!” Ms. Mills nearly growled the words. Mary yipped. “Your men are out looking for her just as you asked.”

 

Ms. Mills groaned. The clang of the blinds hitting the glass of the office door had them looking up to where Belle French stood.

 

Ms. Mills snarled, “You! You have something that belongs to this paper.”

 

Belle shrugged, “No I don’t.”

 

Ms. Mills looked like her head might explode. “Yes, you do! The letter from John Doe, where is it?”

 

Belle smiled slyly, “There isn’t one.”

 

“What do you mean there isn’t one?!”

 

Belle shrugged, “I made him up.”

 

Ms. Mills closed her eyes and opened them slowly as she rose from her chair. Darkness seemed to rear up behind her and her eyes were like coal.

“You made him up. This town is in an uproar. There are countless people who want to give him a job, a handful of families who want to board him, five women who want to marry him, and an elderly man who wants to adopt him, and you made him up.”

 

Mary squeaked from the corner. “We could say that he came in and that you convinced him that life is worth living. Then this would all blow over.”

 

Ms. Mills turned away. “Do it.”

 

Belle lunged forward. She saw opportunity before her and she had to seize it. “Wait! Ms. Mills, this could be a boon to your paper we could run a story on him every week leading up to New Years because he’s chosen New Year’s Eve night to jump. We could say that I tracked him down and that he spilled his whole life story to me. Stories starting with his boyhood, his schooling, his first job. His start as a wide-eyed youngster facing a chaotic world. We could spot light the problems of the average man, of all the John Does in the world. Now, the drama. He meets discouragement, his ideals crumble so what does he do? He decides to commit suicide in protest against the state of civilization. He thinks of the river, but no. He has a better idea, the city hall. Why? Because he wants to attract attention. He wants to get a few things off his chest and this is the only way that he can be heard.”

 

Ms. Mills rolled her eyes. “And how will this be a boon to my paper?”

 

Belle became more animated as she waved her hands and spoke. “How?! People will get excited. People will start talking. Should he kill himself or should he not? People will write in pleading with him, but no! John Doe will remain adamant! New Year’s Eve, hot or cold, he goes!” She took a breath.

Ms. Mills stared at her for a moment and then spoke. “And how are you going to make an imaginary man commit suicide?”

 

Belle huffed. “I’ll hire a guy.”

 

Ms. Mills waved a hand dismissively towards her. “You’re going to find a man who is willing to go along with your scheme? I tell you what. You find that man and I’ll let you have your fun, bankroll what you need to pull it off to the newspaper; but if it backfires you’ll wish you had taken a flying leap off city hall.”

 

Belle gulped. She straightened her blouse, nodded and left.

 

As she approached the front desk she saw a wisp of a man with shoulder length silvery brown hair limp away toward the door. She stopped in her tracks at the sight of him. She turned to the front desk girl. “Who’s that?”

 

The girl looked up. “Oh, poor thing is down on his luck and was hoping we had a job for him.”

 

Belle smiled and quickly turned and ran the few steps toward him, her heels trip trapping on the marble floor. He turned at the sound and made to open the door for her. She smiled at his kindness and was momentarily taken aback by how handsome he was. His clothes were tattered and far too big for his waif frame, but still… he was beautiful. His shinning chocolate eyes looked up at her for a moment before quickly looking down, as if he felt unworthy to look at her. She licked her lips and spoke gently, “I work for the paper and am in need of an assistant of sorts. Would you be willing to work with me?”

 

He looked up at her as if she were speaking a foreign language. He stuttered, “I would be willing to try.”

 

She smiled at him warmly. “Wonderful! My apartment is near here. We can talk about the job there.”

 

He nodded and followed her. He stayed at her heel, but she could see that he was on full alert as he took in everything happening around them. She supposed life on the street must be a dangerous one, and felt a pang of unhappiness at the thought of it.

 

They finally reached her apartment and she let them in. She locked the door behind them and heard a thud. She turned back and saw that he had collapsed in a heap on the floor. “Oh!” She knelt by him and rolled him over. “Are you alright?”

 

He blinked bleary eyed up at her and struggled to sit. “I had a dizzy spell.” She helped him to scoot to the couch and sit against it. She brushed the hair from his face with a gentle hand. “I’ll go get you a bite to eat.”

 

She returned with a sandwich and a glass of milk. He gratefully took them. Belle couldn’t help but stare at him as he ate. He seemed to notice and looked up at her. She looked away and nibbled her lip shyly. “I’m sorry to stare, it’s just… I can tell that it’s been a long time since you’ve eaten.”

 

He sighed. “That’s true.”

 

Belle smiled sadly, “Do you think you could make it to the kitchen? I’ll fix us a pot of tea.”

 

He nodded gratefully, “I would really appreciate that.”

 

*

They sat down at the small kitchen table and she poured them both a cup.

 

She explained the whole conundrum she had found herself in with the John Doe letter and that if he would agree to become her John Doe it would help them both have a better life.

 

He listened quietly as she spoke. When she finished he cleared his throat, and with a quavering voice asked, “So, you want me to kill myself on New Year’s Eve?”

 

Belle blanched and quickly put a hand on his. “Oh no! I’ll come up with something by then.”

 

He nodded solemnly, “Well… alright. I’ll do it.”

 

Belle’s eyes lit up and a broad smile crossed her face. “Oh, thank you!”

 

She called up Ms. Mills who promptly sent over her lawyer. Paperwork signed, it was agreed that in return for his cooperation and exclusive rights to his story he would receive a one-way ticket to a destination of his choice, and money to establish himself in the new year.

 

Belle let the lawyer out and called on her neighbor Jefferson Hatter. Moments later there was a knock on the door. Belle smiled at the very overwhelmed man she had discovered was called Rafe Gold. “It’s alright Rafe. It’s a dear friend of mine.”

 

Belle opened the door and a man entered wearing a tailored suit and a very flamboyant hat. “Jefferson, thank you so much for coming.”

 

“Well how could I not when you told me your dilemma.” Jefferson took off his hat and set it and his coat on a chair by the door. “Is this him?” He motioned to Rafe. Belle nodded. Jefferson seemed to consider, “He looks like a scared rabbit.”

 

Jefferson approached slowly. “My name is Jefferson. I’m a hatter by trade, but I deal in clothing. If you don’t mind, I’ll take your measurements and be back in a flash with some better fitting clothes for you.”

 

Rafe took a deep breath and a wobbly step forward to shake the man’s hand. “I would appreciate that.”

Jefferson smiled as he took the man’s hand. “I’ll bring by some canes as well.”

 

Rafe nodded appreciatively.

Jefferson whipped out his measuring tape and quickly had all of Rafe’s measurements down. He grabbed his coat and hat and opened the door. “I’ll be back soon.” Belle smiled and turned back to Rafe. “Would you like to take a bath? Or a shower?”

 

Rafe nodded, and before he knew it Belle was towing him toward her bathroom. She started the water and set out a bar of soap, shampoo, and a razor. She grabbed a soft towel from a nearby cupboard and a robe for him. “I’ll be just outside if you need me.”

 

Rafe smiled. “Thank you.  


*

Rafe was almost sad to get out of the shower, the warm water felt so good on his cold and tired muscles.

 

He got out and dried off before slipping on the robe Belle had left for him. It smelled like lavender and he found the scent to be very soothing. He saw that Belle had left him a brush, so he untangled his hair and in no time at all it lay soft and tamed about his face.

 

Belle looked up as she heard the bathroom door open and gasped softly. Clean shaven and hair tamed, he was like something out of her dreams. She licked her lips and stuttered out, “Umm, Jefferson came and left a wardrobe of outfits for you. I hung them all in my closet next to my own clothes and I put the smaller things in one of the bedside tables for you.” She led him to her room and showed him where things were. “I’ll let you get dressed.”

 

She shut her bedroom door and left him alone. He ran his hands over the fabric of the clothes and sighed. This was all so surreal. Things like this didn’t happen to people like him. Nevertheless, he dressed himself in a suit with a waistcoat and placed one of the pairs of soft socks that were in the drawer on before lacing up the leather dress shoes that Jefferson had brought for him. He picked out a silk tie and his skilled hands quickly had it tied and pinned. He found the ritual of it all to be very comforting.

 

At last he grabbed the black cane with the gold handle that was leaned against the wall and stepped out and into the sitting room and Belle couldn’t help but gape at him. She had already thought him beautiful, but now in his suit he looked like a gallant prince from one of her favorite childhood stories. “Wow, you look amazing.”

 

Rafe felt his cheeks redden. He smiled and ducked his head down as he made his way to the chair opposite the couch that Belle was sitting on and took a seat.

 

Belle licked her lips and swallowed before taking a deep breath. “So, Rafe, tell me about yourself.”

 

Rafe shrugged. “What would you like to know?”

 

Belle smiled and chuckled quietly. “Everything. All of it. Start at the beginning. Where were you born? What were your parents like?”

 

Rafe sighed and began to tell his tale. He talked for what felt like an eternity and as he spoke he couldn’t help but feel a sort of catharsis at having his story told. Of course, it helped that Belle was an amazing listener who truly seemed to care about him and his story.

 

Belle’s heart ached for the man across from her. Abusive parents, abandonment, an abusive ex-wife, and a son who died too young. Belle tried to wipe the tears from her eyes as nonchalantly as she could. She felt she needed to lighten the mood, so she sought to get him on a topic that might be a happier one. “You said you’re a spinner. What’s that?”

 

Rafe smiled at her as an adult might at a child’s silly question. “You don’t know where thread comes from?”

 

Belle could feel her cheeks go red as she nibbled on her lower lip. She shook her head.

 

Rafe chuckled. He told her about spinning wheels and how thread was made, and that thread could then be woven in to fabric. She seemed genuinely interested in it all and he couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of his profession for probably the first time since his aunties had praised him for picking it up so quickly.

 

Belle was fascinated by him. It seemed magical that he could make thread seemingly out of thin air. She smiled as an idea came to her. “You mentioned that you make clothes.” Rafe nodded. She clapped her hands and smiled broadly. “I’m going to make some phone calls. Wait right there.” With that said she was bounding off to the kitchen.

 

When she returned a few moments later, she looked like the cat that has gotten the cream. “I spoke to Jefferson, and he wants you as an assistant and if you’re up to it eventually he wants to make you his partner.”

Rafe felt as though he were hearing her under water. “What?”

 

Belle bounced up and down excitedly. “He’s always wanted to have a partner who knows the material side of the industry, a clothier to make special orders of clothing the way he does for hats, and he thinks that will be you. Isn’t that wonderful!”

 

Rafe gaped at her in shock, but it slowly turned to happiness as he saw how happy the news had made Belle. “That is wonderful. Thank you, Belle. Thank you so much.”

 

A knock at the door brought them back to the present. Belle opened it and Rafe gaped open mouth as he saw two men quickly bring in and set up a spinning wheel, a loom, and a box of lace making equipment, among boxes and bags of other unknown items.

 

Belle thanked the movers and shut the door, turning back to face him looking like a child on Christmas. Her voice was full of joy as she spoke, “It’s all for you.”

 

Rafe was on the verge of tears. “It… it’s too much.”

 

Belle shrugged. “Nonsense. For the first time in my life I can be frivolous, and I choose to be frivolous on you.”

 

Rafe was at a loss. “But… why?”

Belle shrugged and closed the gap between them leaving him looking down at her with furrowed brow. Belle smiled up at him. “Because… I’ve come to care about you, and seeing you happy makes me happy.” She wrapped her arms around him. He stood frozen in her embrace. It took him a moment to remember what a hug was, and just as he did remember she was already pulling away from him.

 

A part of Belle was screaming at her to slow down; after all, she had only known this man for a day, but a much larger portion of her was focused on the amazing feeling of holding him in her arms. How he seemed to make her heart flutter and how warm she felt when she was around him. Like he filled her with liquid sunshine.

 

Rafe longed to keep her with him, her mere presence seemed to make him feel so much lighter. “I could show you how all this works.”

 

Belle was bouncing up and down and clapping her little hands, and Rafe couldn’t remember a time he had felt this way about a woman. His ex-wife Milah was a very independent woman, unfortunately she let that trait morph out of control until she was no more than a cruel master and he her incompetent slave. But it was different with Belle. She made him feel special, wanted, talented. She saw him. She really saw him. She was a treasure, a shimmering jewel, and Rafe marveled that she had not been snatched up by now.

 

*

They stayed up well past a reasonable bedtime. Rafe felt as if sharing his talent and expertise with Belle was somehow giving him back his humanity. Life on the streets is an unkind one. Very quickly people begin to see you as somehow sub-human, and then they simply cease seeing you at all.

 

Belle found all the things he could do to be nothing short of magical. Especially the lace! First, he had made a handful of fluff into strong thread, and then he had transformed that thread into lace with what looked to Belle to be no more than sticks and pins. He had shown her how he placed the pins for the design he wanted and then with long bobbins of thread made, he seemed to bend the thread to his will and lace began to take shape. Then he had shown her how he creates a pattern for a piece of clothing. He had sketched her on a piece of scrap paper in a dress with cap sleeves and a flowy skirt just above the knee, taken her measurements and set to work tracing out patterns on old newspaper.

 

Rafe let his imagination drift to Belle wearing his design. It would suit her perfectly. He would need to go out and get fabric for it. Perhaps in a sunny gold, or a sapphire blue…

 

*

At last the time came where sleep could no longer be denied. Belle had insisted that he take her bed and she would take the couch. Rafe wouldn’t allow it. A couch would be a godsend compared to a freezing corner behind a dumpster or crouched in the entry way of a storefront. At last she had relented and bid him goodnight. He sighed softly and smiled as he wished her the same.

 

Over the next week and a half Belle had worked furiously on her biographical articles on Rafe as well as the John Doe opinion pieces highlighting all the topics she wanted the audience invested in the John Doe story to be aware of and take action on.

 

Rafe watched as she furiously typed away. He had suggested she take a lunch break hours ago and now it was two in the afternoon and as far as he had seen, she had only eaten two cups of coffee (if that is to be considered a food). He sighed and went into the kitchen and made sandwiches and a pot of tea. He set the small table in said kitchen and then went into the front room and pulled the chair Belle was sitting in back with her in it.

 

Belle had been in her own world. A world of words and letters when she suddenly felt as if she was moving. She returned to reality to see that Rafe had pulled out her chair with her in it. He then gently pulled her to her feet. “I made lunch. Take a break.” She wanted to argue, but found that she couldn’t in the face of his… well, his face.

 

“Alright.” They made their way into the kitchen and enjoyed their lunch.

Rafe poured her another cup of tea. “So, tell me, what got you started writing opinion pieces?”

 

Belle took the cup gratefully and considered. “Well, my father had always been… opinionated is probably what most people would call it. He believed in the importance of the betterment of man. That it is important that we look after each other. That we know our neighbors and that we should take on their struggles as they should help us carry our own. I looked up to him so much. He was a dreamer, but he often let his dreams get away with him. My mother fell terribly ill and we didn’t have enough money for her to go to hospital. She should have been resting, but she continued to work long hours to make up the lost income of my father.” Belle closed her eyes and sighed sadly, “So many failed inventions. And he was generous to a fault. Every bit of money we had he seemed to give away.”

 

Rafe couldn’t make sense of a man giving away money with a small child and a sick wife. “Why did he give away money? Why not spend it for the betterment of you and your mother?”

 

Belle shrugged. “I loved my Papa, but sometimes… it’s as if he didn’t see us.” Belle sipped her tea and continued, “In his eyes, there was always someone more unfortunate. A family with more children, someone with more debt… My mother’s health continued to deteriorate, and after she was gone my father just stopped caring. He didn’t last much longer after that.”

 

Rafe didn’t know what to say. “I’m so sorry Belle.”

 

Belle shrugged. “You needn’t feel sorry. It was what it was. His beliefs were right, he just didn’t know how to put them in practice.”

 

Rafe could see how passionate Belle was about social justice. You could hear it in her voice when she spoke, and in her written word. He couldn’t help but admire her.

 

Belle’s articles on the life of the mysterious John Doe and her John Doe opinion pieces quickly had the newspaper back on top in subscribers. Her column had become so popular that Ms. Mills had no choice but to give her a very generous raise in addition to the bonuses she had already incurred. Belle has quickly become a very wealthy woman, yet a man by the name of Mr. LeGume promised to make her so wealthy that she need never again worry about money. He had offered her a deal to take her John Doe opinion pieces nationwide with a radio series of lectures. She need only convince Rafe to be the voice for them.

 

Belle set off for Jefferson’s workshop. She smiled as she thought back over the few weeks to when she had first told Rafe that Jefferson had wanted to work with him. It seemed like forever ago now. Rafe had been an assistant to Jefferson for all of a day before Jefferson had papers drawn up to make him his partner. He had been thrilled by Rafe’s abilities and keen business sense. He had raved to Belle that she had definitely found a diamond in the rough with Rafe, and their partnership certainly seemed to be made to last.

 

Belle opened the back door to their shop and saw them sharing notes on fabric swatches and various embellishments for some new project. Belle let them finish their conversation as she looked over the many new designs that Rafe had sketched and the pieces he already had in development. She marveled at his talent.

 

“Belle! What a lovely surprise.” Rafe was smiling like her presence alone was a wonderous gift. Belle turned and her breath caught for a moment as she saw him standing there with his gold sleeve garters and his lovely vest. Rafe seemed to notice her stare as he chuckled, “See something you like?”

 

Belle blushed and looked down at his shoes, struggling for something to say. “I… I couldn’t help but notice that your clothes seem to really suit you.”

 

He smiled warmly, “I tailored them all to fit my frame better. Tailored clothes always look better than the ready-made, if one can afford such a service.”

Jefferson piped in from some unseen corner of the shop, “Our customers sure can afford it. I’ve never been this busy before!”

 

Belle smiled. “Jefferson? I’m taking Rafe home early.”

 

Jefferson popped into view from around a corner. “Is she kidnapping you Rabbit?

 

Rafe smiled. He and Jefferson had developed a brotherly bond as they had worked so many hours together over the last month sharing work that they were both passionate about. “I’m not sure Hatter.” He replied in a joking tone. “But I think I would let her even if she was.” Jefferson laughed and bid them goodnight.

 

As they walked together back to the apartment they had been sharing, Belle took a deep breath and tightened her hold on his arm. Rafe noticed and asked, “What’s wrong Belle?” She shrugged. “I’ve been offered an amazing opportunity to have my opinions heard. To really spread my message, but…”

Rafe urged, “But?”

“But they want you to be the voice. The people believe that this whole thing is you. I… I _need_ you to be my voice.”

 

Rafe went cold at her words. He had always shied away from the public eye. He hadn’t minded becoming her John Doe because she had told him that he would stay somewhat anonymous, but this would be his voice. “I’m not sure I can do that Belle.”

 

Belle nodded quietly. He had done so much for her already. She really shouldn’t push him.

 

Rafe continued to consider her request as they made their way back to the apartment. Would she ask him to leave now? Perhaps he should move in with Jefferson. Rafe felt his chest tighten and his stomach knot. Belle had come to mean everything to him. He wasn’t sure that he could continue with this new life without her. He decided he could do this for her. If it could buy him some more time with her, then he could do this.

“Belle? I’ll do it.”

Belle wasn’t sure she was hearing him right. “You’ll do it?”

 

Rafe nodded. “I’m not sure that I believe in my ability to get your message across, but I believe in you. I see how passionate you are about your beliefs and your work, how much you want to create change.” He stopped walking and looked down at her. “I believe in you, Belle.” Belle could see the longing in his eyes, and she knew in that moment that he loved her. That realization had her admitting to herself what she had already known, she loved him too. She wanted to kiss him. She could see him leaning in, waiting for a signal from her, but she found that she couldn’t. Suddenly she felt terribly guilty. He’s doing this because he loves me. It’s as if I’m using him. I’m using his love for me against him. Belle ducked her head and hugged him. She could feel him sigh and she knew that he must feel rejected by her now, and that thought had her feeling even sicker.

 

They arrived back at the apartment and were surprised by a vase of stargazer lilies. Belle took the card out from among the very fragrant (actually a bit too fragrant) blooms and read it.

 

“Who’s it from?” Rafe asked with only a tinge of jealousy.

 

Belle sighed as she lifted the vase and brought it into the apartment. “They’re from Mr. LeGume’s son Gaston. I met him while I was talking over the details of the radio series that Mr. LeGume is creating for the John Doe opinion pieces.”

 

Rafe huffed. “And already he’s sending you flowers.”

 

Belle smirked. “Actually, he had his secretary send them. See.” She handed him the card and he rolled his eyes.

It read: “ _Dearest Belle, your beauty has become the obsession of my dreams. Until we meet again I will dream of your sweet touch. As dictated by Mr. Gaston LeGume”._

 

Belle sat the flowers on the window sill in the kitchen. Rafe joined her, and they started making dinner. They had easily fell into a routine early on and now it was as if it had always been the two of them.

 

*

Belle worked tirelessly typing up the series of speeches she wanted Rafe to give on the John Doe radio series. Mr. LeGume had given her a list of what topics he wanted to be included in each episode and Belle was finding it somewhat difficult to incorporate them in the order he wanted, but they were all topics that she agreed should be highlighted, and so she had accomplished the task in the end.

 

The radio series was recorded over a few days and the recordings were then broadcast over the next week. Rafe was glad when it was all over. Reading Belle’s speeches wasn’t difficult, she had an almost magical way with words, but being in front of the recording crew and reading as they all stared at him was horrible. He had felt as if he were surrounded by rabid rats all waiting to pounce on him.

 

Belle could see how much Rafe struggled with recording the series of speeches, but his work and her writing were working. People were talking about the issues addressed and they had even begun to receive fan mail. There was even talk of clubs starting up where people would put the principles and suggestions from the speeches in action in their communities. Belle had thought that Rafe would be thrilled with the success of it all, but he seemed quiet and introspective in the face of it. She had taken a seat beside him on the couch and leaned lightly against his side. “What’s wrong?”

 

Rafe shrugged. “I was just thinking… well, don’t take this the wrong way, but the messages in your speeches… the suggestions and principles… they aren’t new or novel. They’re things that people have heard time and time again. Love thy neighbor, do unto others; these are lessons that have been taught, and yet people seem to forget them almost as soon as they hear them. I just can’t help but feel like we are screaming into the wind.”

 

Belle placed her hand on his. “We aren’t screaming into the wind. We are being heard. These letters, all the letters going to the newspaper, the people writing them are listening. The groups that are starting up, those people are listening. People are changing for the better because of us.”

 

Rafe looked down at their hands. “Yes, but for how long?”

 

*

Rafe looked disgustedly at the vase of stargazer lilies. That Gaston person had his secretary send a new bouquet every week and they were always stargazer lilies. It was bad enough that the fellow didn’t have the decency to send them himself, but to keep sending the exact same bouquet was inexcusable. Rafe just couldn’t understand why Belle wouldn’t call the idiot and tell him that she is allergic to stargazer lilies. The poor girl had been sneezing her brains out for nearly two weeks. Now every vase full was immediately quarantined outside until Rafe could take the flowers to the church across the street where they could be used for funerals and weddings of the less fortunate.

 

Rafe shut the door to the apartment and returned to the box of ornaments on the couch. He could scarcely believe that tomorrow would be Christmas Eve. He hadn’t truly celebrated a Christmas since before his son Baeden had died. Baeden had loved Christmas. Rafe wished Baeden were with him today. They had been poor and couldn’t afford to really decorate, but they had always made the day special. Baeden would’ve loved a tree like this one.

 

Rafe finished up the decorations and retrieved his gifts for Belle and placed them under the tree. He hoped she would be happy with them. He had finished the dress he had secretly been making for her and was sure that it would look amazing on her. He had made it of shimmering sapphire fabric and used shiny gold buttons. He had then gotten satin pumps in her size and dyed them to match before adding golden embellishments on the vamp to compliment the buttons on the dress as well as the simple golden locket he had bought for her. With the gift safely placed on the tree skirt, he stood up and sighed. He retrieved a candle he had purchased on his last trip to the church, and lit it. He said a prayer for Baeden and placed it in the window.

 

*

Belle was glad to be home. Her meeting this afternoon with Mr. LeGume hadn’t gone well. He had brought her in to announce that he wanted Rafe to give a live speech at an upcoming rally at a political convention that would be held after Christmas. Belle knew how Rafe felt about public speaking and she had told Mr. LeGume that a live speech in front of an audience, especially one that big, was out of the question. However, Mr. LeGume was unmoved. He had threatened her career. It was a threat that wasn’t to be taken lightly. He had a lot of fingers in a lot of pies and his kind of money made things happen. If Belle crossed him, it was very likely that she would no longer be able to work in journalism.

 

Belle agonized over what to do as she made her way to Jefferson’s apartment. Becoming a journalist had been a struggle and an uphill battle she had been fighting her entire adult life. Journalism was such a big part of her identity. Who was she with out it?

 

She knocked lightly on Jefferson’s door. He opened the door and looked down at her in slight confusion. “You look unhappy.”

Belle could only nod. Jefferson took a deep breath and waved her into his home.

 

*

Belle gratefully took the cup of tea that Jefferson offered. Jefferson had listened to her dilemma as he prepared the tea. He sat down with his own cup of tea and took a tentative sip. “So, what will you do?” Jefferson sat down his cup and looked expectantly at Belle.

 

Belle shook her head. “I don’t know what to do.”

 

Jefferson nodded. “Well, I can’t tell you what to do. That choice is entirely yours; however, I can tell you this. Rafe loves you. He adores you, but more importantly he respects you. To him you are Joan of Arc.”

 

Belle felt ill. Her stomach was in knots and her chest was tight. “I know.”

 

Jefferson continued, “Then you know that if you push him he will do it. But if you do, you’ll be using his love for you against him.” Jefferson took a sip of his tea. “Rafe isn’t dumb. He’ll know that’s what you’re doing, and he’ll let you.”

 

Belle nodded. “You don’t think I should ask him.”

 

Jefferson sighed. “I think… you should think about the person you want to be and the life you want to have.”

 

Belle finished her tea and hugged Jefferson goodbye.

*

Belle opened the door to her apartment and found Rafe sitting by the window staring at the flickering flame of a simple white candle on the sill.

 

Belle came in and took off her coat and hung it up by the door. “Penny for your thoughts.”

 

Rafe sighed. “I was thinking about Baeden and how I wish I could have given him a proper Christmas.”

Belle took a seat next to him. “How did you lose your son?”

 

Rafe took a deep breath. “He caught a bad cold. I tried my best to keep him warm and fed with what little we had, but he got worse. It was so cold that winter. He developed pneumonia.” Rafe closed his eyes and sighed. “He died on New Year’s Eve. I could hear party goers in the streets singing and laughing while I held my dead son in my arms.”

 

Belle felt like a horrible person. She wished there were words that she could say that could fix it all. She was so good with words, but sometimes even the prettiest words are just noise. Belle put an arm around Rafe and they sat in silence for a moment, just watching the flickering of the candle’s flame.

 

*

Christmas had started out wonderfully. Belle had awoken to the delicious smells of breakfast and Christmas music playing lightly on the radio. It had been years since she had someone to really spend the holiday with. She walked over to her open closet and looked at her clothes hanging there next to Rafe’s. She sighed and pulled on her robe and quietly made her way toward the kitchen. For a moment she just watched as Rafe filled the tea pot and plated. He looked like he belonged there, and Belle wished that she could somehow live in this moment forever.

 

Rafe turned and placed the plates on the small kitchen table. He noticed Belle standing in the doorway and smiled. “Breakfast is served.”

She smiled and took a seat and they ate a very delicious breakfast together. They spent a large part of the day sitting in pajamas reading, drinking cocoa and hot tea, and enjoying each other’s company.

 

As evening descended Rafe suggested a stroll to look at the lights and enjoy the season. They dressed warmly and walked arm in arm past shop windows decorated festively and merry makers headed to parties. As they walked Belle’s mind couldn’t help but wander to her conversation with Mr. LeGume. Her journalism work was everything. But she couldn’t force Rafe to speak in front of thousands of people. He had been physically ill just doing the radio shows. And yet… it’s for the greater good. He’ll understand that. With her mind decided, she tried to focus on the moment.

 

 

Rafe could feel the Belle was distant during their walk. He wondered at the cause of it, but couldn’t seem to bring himself to ask her about it. They returned home to the delicious smell of the turkey breast and sides the Rafe had left to warm in the oven. They enjoyed dinner and then Rafe suggested that Belle relax while he made them some eggnog.

 

Belle took a seat on the couch and stared unseeingly at the twinkling lights of the tree. Rafe came in and handed her a glass. She smiled and took a sip. Rafe could see that she was still distracted. “Penny for your thoughts.”

 

“Hmm? Oh. I’m just thinking about something I need to do.”

 

Rafe could see that whatever it was, Belle didn’t seem up to sharing it. He sighed as he tried to think of a way to lighten the mood. “Shall we open gifts?”

 

Belle seemed to light up at the suggestion. “Alright.” She grabbed a box from below the tree and handed it to Rafe. He carefully unwrapped it and removed the lid. Inside he saw a few new ties, a scarf, gloves, cufflinks with his initials, and a tie clip. “Oh Belle. These are beautiful and very much appreciated. Thank you.”

 

Belle was happy to see how much he seemed to like her gift. Some of the heaviness on her chest had lifted, until she saw the longing in his eyes. He was leaned forward and just as before she could see that he was waiting for a sign from her. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to so badly, but she couldn’t; not with what she was about to do to him. So, she pulled back and felt as if she had been stabbed in the heart when she saw the light leave his eyes and disappointment settle there.

 

Rafe retrieved her gift and she quickly dispatched the wrapping paper that imprisoned it. She pulled off the lid and saw the locket and shoes. She gasped as she pulled them out and marveled at their beauty, but then she pulled out the dress and couldn’t help the tears that formed in her eyes. “My dress… the one you sketched for me.” She saw Rafe smile and nod. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. “This is the most wonderful gift I have ever received. Thank you Rafe.”

 

Belle’s conscience was screaming at her. Don’t do this to him! But her logical side reminded her that a sharp dagger cuts clean. She took a deep breath.

“Rafe?” He looked into her eyes with his chocolate brown ones and she could see the love there. She looked away, she couldn’t do this and see his face. “I need you to speak at a rally in a few days.” She could feel him pull away from her. In her peripheral she could see him beginning to close in on himself. “It will be live, and the crowd will be large, but it’s for the greater good.” She pulled out a stack of letters that she had set aside for this moment. “These are just a few of the stories of the good that my speeches are inspiring. This man had a neighbor who played music loud and didn’t talk to people. Everyone thought he was just an inconsiderate and hateful old man. After hearing our radio shows he was inspired to go to the neighbor’s house and really talk to him. Turns out he is going deaf and thought everyone hated him.” She held out another letter. “This is from a group of people who had a neighbor who lived like a hermit. Everyone thought he was no good. They thought he must be a scoundrel, but they discovered that he was terribly poor and lived like a hermit because he was ashamed. They discovered that he had been picking through their trash at night because he was too proud to ask for help, and now they are helping him.” She held out another letter. “This one is from a small town who thought the old couple in the big house on the hill with the iron fence were misers. After hearing our show they started a monthly community meeting to talk about what they can do to make the community better and at that meeting the milk man admitted that the couple everyone thought was miserly had had to cancel milk delivery because they couldn’t afford it anymore, and the local pawn shop owner admitted that at night they sell a different piece of furniture to him each day to make money. They were starving to death, but now that everyone in their town is actually talking to each other people are getting the help they need.” Belle chanced a look at Rafe. He looked terrified, devastated, and ill. Belle swallowed hard. The dagger was in, now she need only twist it. “Rafe, I need you to be my voice. Please. Do this for me.” That did it. He looked as if she had killed him, as if she had wrapped his very soul in heavy chains.

 

Rafe felt as if his world was crumbling. I thought she loved me. He could hear a voice inside of him reaching out from the dark and whispering to him. You thought Milah loved you, but she only loved what she could get from you. You fool! How could you think a woman as lovely as Belle could love you? Withered, old, lame, and worthless. She’s only keeping you around because you’re of use to her, but how long will that last? He closed his eyes and held back tears. He didn’t deserve her, but if doing this would buy him just a little more time to pretend… He sighed and ran his hands over his hair, pushing it away from his face. His voice quiet, and cold. “I’ll do it.”

 

Belle should have felt elated at his words, but she just felt ill. She couldn’t even speak, she could only bring herself to nod to show him that she had heard.

 

The silence of the moment was shattered by a knock on the door. Belle got up and opened it. To her surprise it was a package addressed to her with an envelope taped to the top. She thanked the delivery man and pushed the door shut with her foot. She brought the box to the coffee table and pulled the card from the envelope.

 

Rafe swallowed in an effort to moisten his suddenly very dry throat. “What does it say?”

 

Belle sighed unhappily and read, “ _Dearest Belle, your beauty is like that of a bar of gold. It shines and weighs heavily on me. This gift is but a taste of the life that you deserve. I can make all of your wishes come true. As dictated by Mr. Gaston LeGume.”_

 

Rafe huffed, anger burning in his chest. “Not only is his card stupid, but he can’t even be bothered to write it himself. The idiot probably isn’t even literate.”

 

Any other time Belle would’ve found Rafe’s jealousy funny, but she still felt so bad about asking him to do the rally speech. She decided she would simply ignore his comment and open the package. She carefully cut through the tape with a nearby letter opener and pulled the box open. She pushed aside the tissue that packed it and gasped. She hadn’t noticed that Rafe had gotten up and was right behind her until he spoke. “A fur coat, diamond drop earrings and a necklace and bracelet to match.” She could hear anger and disdain in his voice as he walked away and into the kitchen.

 

Belle scrambled to close the box and then put it by the door. “I’m going to give it back,” she called to him as she made her way to the kitchen.

 

Rafe was pouring himself a glass of eggnog with three times the amount of bourbon called for. “Please yourself.”

 

Belle could hear the disdain in his voice and it physically pained her. She was suddenly feeling very sick to her stomach. Sensing he probably wanted to be alone, Belle decided to head to bed. As she passed by the tree she stopped. She looked down at where her lovely gift from Rafe lay. She picked it up reverently and took it to her room. She hung the dress and put the shoes away. She placed the golden locket on her dresser and dressed for bed. She took the locket and sat on the edge of her bed. She held it in her hands and felt its cool surface warm. She ran her finger tip over the raised filigree decorating the front. She gently pushed the edge of her finger nail in between the latch and eased the locket open. Within she saw a message had been engraved. “ _To Belle, my savior. I’ll never forget_.” Belle closed the locket and put it around her neck. She turned off the light and got into bed. She held the locket close to her chest and quietly cried.

 

*

Belle awoke the next morning feeling dreadful. Her guilt was making her feel physically ill. Her head ached, she couldn’t stomach the thought of eating, and all she wanted to do was sob. How could doing something that is supposedly for the greater good make her feel so terrible?

 

She cleaned herself up and dressed for the day. As she did her hair she saw the locket around her neck. She placed her hand over it and closed her eyes. I can’t make him do it. She decided then that she would go to Mr. LeGume’s home today and tell him he can do whatever he likes to her, but the deal is off. Then she would come home and beg Rafe to forgive her. With her mind settled she already felt much better. She finished up getting ready and took a deep breath. She stepped into the front room and expected to see Rafe on the couch, but he wasn’t there. For a moment she worried that perhaps he had left, but then she saw his leg on the floor of the kitchen. She rushed into the kitchen and saw him slumped against the wall seemingly asleep with a nearly empty bottle of bourbon in his hand. She took the bottle from him and started a pot of coffee. She then went to help him up. He grumbled like a grumpy toddler, but allowed himself to be led to the kitchen chair. She made him a glass of water and fetched him two aspirin.

 

He took the aspirin and drank the water. He looked up at her with bleary eyes. “I had a dream about you.”

 

Belle turned back toward the coffee, not wanting to cry in front of him. “What was it about?”

 

Rafe sniffled. His voice was a bit slurred. “In the dream I felt like your father. I wasn’t your father, but I felt like I needed to protect you like a father would. Anyway, there was something I needed to protect you from, but I didn’t know what it was. I went to your room to make sure you were safe, but I didn’t use the door. I just seemed to drift through the wall. You were in bed, but you weren’t you. I mean you were you, but you were just a wee thing. A little girl. All of a sudden you got out of bed and you flew out the window. I ran after you and then we were running across a field. It was night and there was a full moon. You were wearing a white night gown and it seemed to glow on you. You kept running and I kept following you, but as you went you grew until you were you size. Grown up Belle size. And then you went in a building. I ran in after you and I saw that it was a wedding, and your nightgown became a wedding dress and you were marrying Gaston. But then it was like I was magic because I appeared in front of the two of you and I turned him into a snail. Then I looked at you and told you that a man who makes his secretary send you flowers isn’t good enough for you. You need a man who would cross rivers, climb mountains, slay dragons for you.” Rafe started to slouch forward seemingly falling asleep with his head on the table. Belle looked at him lovingly and sat down the cup of coffee. She grabbed a clean dish towel and wet it and then carefully wiped his face. “Drink some coffee and then get some rest. I’ll be back tonight.” He made a muffled sound that she supposed meant he had heard her. She put on her coat, grabbed her unwanted gift, and stepped out into the cold Christmas day.

 

*

It had been a long walk to Mr. LeGume’s home and now Belle dreaded the walk back to the apartment as the temperature outside felt as if it had dropped considerably. She pulled her coat tightly around her and sighed. The meeting had gone about as well as could be expected. Mr. LeGume was furious with her. He raved about all the money he had put into producing the show and now that there was something he wanted done she was pulling out. He accused her of using him despite him being the one that sought her out. She had been prepared for all of that; what she hadn’t been prepared for was Gaston’s reaction. He was violent. Her arms still hurt from where he had grabbed her. He called her vile names and accused her of leading him on. He had even said that she owed him. Owed him what?! Belle was still fuming about that. She had never given him any indication that she was at all interested in him. Yet somehow, he was of the belief that because he sent her flowers that she did not want, she owed him something.

 

Belle just wanted this all to be over with. She wanted things to go back to the way they were between her and Rafe. She wanted to be able to give herself to him completely with no guilt holding her back. She promised herself as she walked that if he forgave her, she would make it all up to him. She would figure out a way. She was approaching the area were Jefferson lived and it occurred to her that perhaps she should stop. He would be disappointed in her she knew, but he would be proud that she had seen reason in the end. He and Rafe had grown so close, perhaps he could give her advice as to how she should apologize.

 

*Rafe felt terrible, but his mind was a lot clearer now. The coffee had helped tremendously. He stretched uncomfortably, his muscles sore from his night on the floor. He looked to the clock on the wall. How long had Belle been gone? He supposed it had been some time since the sun had long since gone down. He cleaned up and got dressed. He noticed the dress he had made for Belle hanging among her things and he sighed. Belle deserved fur coats and diamonds. Feeling sorry for himself, he began to make his way back to the kitchen in search of more coffee when he heard a knock at the door and saw an envelope pushed under. He grabbed the envelope, and seeing that it was addressed to him, he opened it. Inside was a letter from Mr. LeGume Senior’s secretary saying that the speech that would be given at the rally was to be the one enclosed as per Mr. LeGume’s instructions. Rafe turned to the second page and read the speech. He felt anger and devastation with each word. The speech was no more than an endorsement of Gaston LeGume’s run for President. Rafe felt emotions so strong that they must be madness at the thought that Belle expected him to lie in front of thousands of people by acting as if Gaston is some hero that will lead them into a golden age. His hands shook as he gripped the sides of the paper tightly. He threw the paper to the floor. He was shaking now. Anger, pain, fear, longing, loneliness… they were all swirling about him. He grabbed the notepad by the phone and began to write.

“ _Dear Belle,_

_Before I met you, when I was alone in the dark and cold, I dreaded the day that I would become a John Doe. Just another corpse unclaimed and unwanted. But then I met you and you made me think that maybe I could be somebody worthy of being remembered. I let myself dream that someone like me could deserve someone like you, but I’m awake now.”_

He signed his name and threw the notebook to the floor with the speech. He grabbed his coat. He didn’t know where he would go, all he knew is that he felt like running. Running from all the pain.

 

*

Belle tried to take calming breaths as she continued on to her apartment from Jefferson’s. He had been right of course. Rafe didn’t need to be bought or wooed with flashy gifts, she need only be open with him. She tried to think of all the things she would say once she got there. I’ve loved you since the start, please forgive me, I’m so sorry… would anything she said be enough? Belle just wished she could open up her heart and mind somehow and let him walk around in it. The things she felt and wanted to convey were just too… much, too big for words.

 

Belle came to the door of her apartment and froze for a moment as she stared at the knob. She took a deep breath and summoned up her courage. She opened the door and was surprised to find the apartment dark. She switched on the light and looked around the room. Her eyes settled on paper and pen strewn on the floor. She lifted the papers and read them, and as she did she felt as though she were being crushed. She was praying now that somehow Rafe hadn’t seen them, but of course he had or else they wouldn’t be on the floor. She noticed writing on the notepad lying on the floor. She threw the papers and scrambled for the notepad that lay nearby. She read Rafe’s note to her and collapsed to the ground. She truly felt as though she were being crushed. Her head was screaming, and she couldn’t seem to breathe. She pressed the locket she wore against her chest and thought of the words within it. “I’ll never forget.” He had meant her kindness, but now the meaning had changed in her eyes. He’ll never forgive my betrayal.

 

Belle had laid curled in on herself in the floor trying to breathe for what felt like an eternity. The crying had slowed, and breathing had become a bit easier. And yet she hurt. It was a pain she had not known before, and one she could not name. It was insufferable. If only she could see Rafe, she vowed that she would do anything, be anything if only he would come back to her.

 

On hands and knees, she made her way to the phone and called Jefferson. Her voice must sound terrible because he is instantly on alert. She tells him about the speech and what must’ve happened. “I must speak to him Jefferson. Please!”

But he isn’t there.

And at those words she goes cold.

And now she is a blur of motion. She must find him! She thinks of the cold and the words of his note and she prays the fates will lead her to him!

 

*

Jefferson had agreed to help her search and together they had checked businesses, alleys, police station, hospitals… They hadn’t slept at all that night and now it was well into the next day. Jefferson stopped Belle with a strong but gentle hand on her arm. “You need to rest. We’ll pick up the search tomorrow.” Belle pulled back from him like a crazed animal. “No! I have to find him.” Jefferson tried to calm her. “We will find him. Perhaps he is at the apartment now. He might be looking for us there.” Belle regarded his words with the wariness of a wild animal, but allowed herself to be led back to the apartment.

 

To Belle’s dismay, Rafe had not returned. Jefferson grounded her with his hands on her shoulders. “Rafe will be fine. He probably just needs time to think. Get some rest and eat something. I’ll come by tomorrow morning and we can return to the search then.”

 

She nodded and watched as Jefferson left. She waited for a moment and then left her apartment to continue her search alone.

 

*

It had been days since Rafe had left Belle’s apartment. The time away had become a blur of loneliness and despair. Rafe had wandered in the frigid cold of the winter night until the flurry of emotions within him dulled and fell away leaving nothingness to fill the void. He spent some time in the train station sitting and watching people passing through. He wandered through the graveyard and read the names and epitaphs of the dead that rested there and wondered if anyone missed them. He sat in the church and watched the flickering flames of the candles, and as he did so he realized just how numb he felt. When he slept there were no dreams. He was lonely, but he did not want companionship. When he searched his heart for some emotion, any sort of feeling, all he came away with was despair. He felt as though he would never be happy again. Life had lost meaning to him.

 

*

Belle hadn’t slept and had barely eaten or drank anything in the nearly five days Rafe had been gone. She had walked the streets and alley ways in the freezing cold, day and night until the pain in her limbs was no more than a numb ache. Jefferson had found her and had half carried her back to his apartment.

 

Jefferson’s face was a portrait of worry as he sat Belle on his couch. “I’m already worried sick about Rafe and then you go off all over the city alone! And at night! And don’t lie to me Belle because I can see it all over you, you’ve not been eating or sleeping have you?”

Belle didn’t answer, choosing to stare off toward the window.

Jefferson gave an exhausted sigh. “Belle, I know you’re worried but you’re going to kill yourself if you don’t get some rest.”

Belle froze. Her eyes grew wide with dread. She turned to Jefferson and he worried for a moment that she had seen the devil himself. Jefferson moved forward to reassure her when he was stopped by her frantic question.

“What day is it?”

Jefferson looked at his watch. “It’s New Year’s Eve. At least for another hour.”

Belle cried out, the sound of it was guttural and so full of pain that it shook Jefferson to his core. Belle had crumpled to the floor. Jefferson knelt by her and went to take her in his arms, but Belle fought him. “We have to go now! Don’t you see! It’s New Year’s Eve! He’s going to kill himself and it’s all my fault!”

 

Jefferson helps her to her feet. “But we have no way of knowing where he is.”

Belle begins to tow him to the door with the last remnants of her strength. “Yes we do. He’s going to jump off of City Hall just like I said he would. We have to go now! We must stop him! Jefferson if he dies his blood will be on my hands! I’ll be the author of his death!”

 

Jefferson knows that Belle won’t stop until they at least check City Hall, but he’s afraid that exhaustion will kill her before they make it there. “I’ll hire a cab for us.”

Belle pulled away from him and was already stumbling through the door. “There’s no time!”

Jefferson sighed in frustration and followed her out.

 

*

Rafe looked down at the envelope in his hands. Belle and Jefferson’s names, addresses, and numbers neatly printed upon it in his hands. He knew the words within would be insufficient to convey just how important they had been to him, but it was all he could offer them now.

He took a safety pin and pinned the sealed envelope to his shirt and buttoned his coat over it. He looked up at the night sky, the stars obstructed by clouds and sighed. He watched as his breath condensed in the chilled night air. He walked to the end of the roof and looked over the raised edge to the cold, black ground below.

 

With it being nearly midnight on New Year’s Eve, the only way on to the roof of City Hall was the fire escape. Jefferson’s lungs were already aching from chasing Belle all the way down here, and now he had to climb onto a roof. Belle was still surging ahead of him and he feared for her safety because it was inevitable that she would crash from it.

Belle reached the roof and saw Rafe on the opposite end, his silvery brown hair blowing gently about his face. His back was turned to her and she feared that she would be too late.

She ran for him calling out to him as she went.

 

Rafe heard his name and turned instinctually. He saw Belle running toward him and without thinking he moved toward her, catching her in his arms and stopping her.

Belle’s voice is ragged as she gasps for air. “Rafe… please… wrong… you… I choose you!”

 

Rafe doesn’t know what to make of her words. He shakes his head and looks away. “Please, don’t. I have nothing… nothing to give.”

Belle pleads with him, “You have everything. We’ll start over. I’m ready now. I know who I am now. I love you Rafe! I’ve loved you from the beginning. I’ve wanted so many times to give in to that love, but guilt got in the way. I never meant to hurt you. I know I used you, but that wasn’t what I set out to do. Please Rafe! Please forgive me! I’ll do anything! I’ll be anything! Please!”

 

She reaches out to him, but he pulls away. Belle feels as though her heart is tearing in two. Her voice quivers, “You don’t believe me.”

 

Rafe had thought he was through with tears, but now they threaten his cheeks.

“Who could ever love me?”

 

A look of madness comes over Belle and her posture stiffens. “I do.” She takes a deep breath, “And if you won’t live for me then I’ll die for you.” Belle darts for the raised edge of the roof.

Jefferson had been hanging back, giving them some space to talk, but when he saw Belle dart for the edge he lunged forward screaming, “BELLE NO!” as he went.

Rafe had barely registered Belle’s words, but Jefferson’s scream had him looking up in time to see what Belle was about to do. He put out his arm and stopped her forward motion, spinning them backward to the safety of the roof’s surface.

Belle was fighting his embrace, but her strength was all but gone.

Jefferson fell to his knees beside them, ready to help hold her down if necessary.

 

Belle was crying, “Let me go! I have to jump first.” She sounds delirious and looks half crazed. Rafe just holds her tighter and asks, “Why Belle?” Belle looks up at him with pleading eyes that he doesn’t understand. “So I can prove I love you.”

 

Jefferson moves to help them both stand. “She’s not thinking clearly. She made herself sick with guilt before you left, then she worried herself even sicker afterward. She won’t sleep, barely eats, she’s been walking around in the cold searching for you non-stop... She needs rest.”

 

Rafe had thought he would never feel again, but now he seems to have an abundance of feelings. Concern being a major one.

As soon as they stand up, Belle begins to resist them once more. Rafe tries to calm her down. He wraps his arms around her and whispers, “Let’s go home. We’ll talk once you’ve rested.”

Belle goes wild at his words, “No! You’ll leave me and kill yourself! I have to kill myself first!” She backs away from him, but extreme exhaustion has finally caught up with her. It’s as if her brain just shut off.

 

Rafe watched in horror as what little light there was in Belle’s eyes seems to dim and she begins to crumple to the ground. Without thinking, he catches her and cradles her in his arms. His savior, his warrior queen, vanquished before him. Jefferson checks her pulse and sighs in relief. “She needs rest. You both do. I’m going to go to the pay phone on the street and call a cab.”

 

Rafe heard Jefferson go, but his eyes stayed on Belle. He forced himself to really look at her and felt crushing pain at what he saw. She was ashen, her eyes looked bruised, her cheeks were sunken, and her face lined with worry. She feels limp and lifeless in his arms. He can hear cheering and singing being carried by the wind and the distant chiming of the church bells. He cries silent tears. He can’t help but think back to all those New Year’s Eves ago that he lost his son. His world, his light… gone. He had thought himself a man with nothing to lose, but then he met Belle.

 

She loves me. He could scarcely believe it, but he knew it to be true now. It must be true. That knowledge should have made him happy, but somehow it was devastating. All this time she was mine. He held her close. She feels so cold. She’s too still. A voice within him screams out from the dark corners, you’ve killed her!

 

Jefferson returned and put a calming hand on Rafe’s back. Rafe was rocking Belle back and forth, shaking with silent sobs. Jefferson took his face in his hands. “Rafe, she’ll be fine.” He helped Rafe to his feet, “Come along Rabbit.”

 

*

Jefferson had stayed with them until he was sure that they would be alright. Rafe was thankful for it, for he knew that without Jefferson to ground him his fear would have overtaken him.

Jefferson had made sure that he ate and drank quite a few glasses of water and then insisted he sleep. “I’ll sit with Belle to make sure she is alright.” Rafe nodded, but fear was still clear on his face. Jefferson sighed, “The doctor says it’s exhaustion. She’s not dying Rafe.” Jefferson pushed Rafe down with a gentle hand and pulled the blanket over him. “Now get some sleep Rabbit.”

 

Belle had regained a somewhat drunken state of consciousness once they made it back to the apartment, and after much reassuring from Rafe she consented to eating a bowl of soup and drinking water before getting sleep. She hadn’t had much of a choice when it came to the sleeping part. She was so exhausted she could barely hold her spoon.

 

After Rafe had rested, he and Jefferson sat and talked. Jefferson told Rafe about his visits from Belle, and Rafe now felt he had a better understanding of her choices. If only Belle had talked to him, had been willing to share her fears with him before it had all gone south.

 

Jefferson sat with them all of New Year’s day, and by that night he was confident that they would recover.

 

Jefferson stood to leave. “Rafe, walk me out.”

Rafe stood and walked Jefferson out of the apartment. Jefferson pulled Rafe’s head down to rest on his shoulder gently. “She loves you Rabbit, don’t doubt that. You aren’t alone. We’re family now. If ever you need me, you call. If you’re scared, sad… you call.” Jefferson pulled away and took Rafe’s head in his hands, looking him in the eye. “You matter Rabbit. Promise me that if you ever even have a passing thought about hurting yourself, you will come to me.” Rafe swallowed hard. Having someone feel protective of him was not something he was used to, and the brotherly love he felt now was overwhelming. Rafe nodded. His voice thick with emotion. “I promise.”

Jefferson gave him a sentimental smile. “This hatter needs his rabbit.”

 

They hugged and bid each other farewell.

 

Rafe shut the door and returned to the couch where Belle was sitting. He took a seat and sighed. He was about to speak when Belle began. “What I did to you was unforgiveable.” Rafe was about to reassure her when she stopped him with a raised hand. “It was unforgiveable. I told myself that it was for the greater good, but deep down I knew it was selfish. I put you in an impossible position. But I promise you Rafe, my love for you is true and unconditional. I will always love you.”

 

Rafe took her hands in his own. “It’s already forgiven. I know you went to LeGume’s and called it off. Jefferson told me about your visit. I just wish I could’ve been there to be your champion. You shouldn’t have had to face their harsh language alone. And then that Gaston idiot laying his hands on you. If I’d been there I’d of broken his fingers.”

 

Belle squeezed his hands, “If you had, you’d be in jail instead of here with me.”

 

Rafe smiled sadly, “Promise me we’ll talk about things from now on. Let me know what your feeling so that I can help. Please Belle, try to see it from my perspective. You would be so distant at times, and I was left to try to puzzle out why. Is it any wonder I came to the wrong conclusions?”

 

Belle snuggled against his chest. “I know. I’m so sorry. Absolutely, from now on we will talk.” Belle sighed against his chest and smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. “Christmas had started out so lovely. It was the best Christmas I could remember in so long, and then I ruined it.”

 

Rafe shushed her gently, “You didn’t ruin it.”

 

Belle shook her head against his chest. “I did. I felt so guilty. I was physically ill with it. That alone should have told me I was making the wrong choice. I put the locket you gave me on that night and I haven’t taken it off since. That night I held it to my chest and cried myself to sleep because I thought for sure I had lost you.”

 

Rafe pressed a kiss to her hair. “You haven’t lost me sweetheart.” Rafe looked down at Belle and smiled. “Why don’t you get cleaned up and dressed. I’ll do the same when you’re done and we’ll go out.”

 

Belle looked up at his love filled eyes and took courage in them. “What do you say to a shower together?”

 

Rafe stared at her in confusion. He understood the words she had spoken, but his brain just couldn’t make sense of them.

 

Belle smiled at his bemused face and stood up. She led him to the bathroom by the hand and started the water. She turned toward him and began to undress. Rafe starred at her as if she were some heavenly angel, some ethereal being. Belle stood naked before him and since he had made no move to undress himself, she began to do it for him. He felt as if he were floating outside of his body, watching the scene before him as it played out. Belle helped him into the shower and then stepped in behind him. She lathered a soft cloth and began to wash his back and then his front, paying extra care to his manhood. Rafe became hard at her touch and soon the warmth of the water, the soft cloth, and Belle’s rhythmic squeezing had him cumming. He braced himself on the wall behind her, whimpering as he reached his release. Belle sucked on the sensitive flesh of his neck, biting ever so slightly. She was marking him as hers and Rafe found it incredibly arousing. She soaped up his hair and gently scratched his scalp. Rafe sighed happily at the lovely sensation of it.

 

When she was finished, she handed him the cloth and he began to wash her. His hands were gentle and seemed to worship her as they glided over her pale skin. He washed her hair with care and turned off the water. He dried her first and then saw to himself. He led her to her bedroom and bid her to sit on the bed. He sat on it behind her and brushed her hair gently until it was free of tangles. He tossed the brush aside and began to lavish her neck with kisses. Belle closed her eyes and leaned her head to give him better access. A moan escaped her lips, eliciting a groan from him. He ran his hands down her arms and then up her sides. She shivered as he came to the sensitive skin on the sides of her stomach. That shiver spurred him on. Rafe wanted to see her not only shiver, but writhe for him. He pulled her gently back toward the bed and straddled her. He brought his nose to her chest and dragged it down her sternum and over her breast, before dragging it down her stomach to her most private of places. His breath ghosting over her skin sent tingles all over her body and had her climbing toward ecstasy. She was so close. He came to her sex and nuzzled it softly before running the tip of his tongue ever so gently over her clit. She arched and trembled at the touch. He steadied her with his hands on her hips as he slowly dragged his tongue over her swollen lips again and again before swirling it around her clit and giving it a gentle suck.

 

Belle was writhing now, riding one orgasm after another. When it was all over she lay limp on the bed. She felt Rafe sit up and began to leave. She called out to him. “Where are you going?”

He smiled. “To the couch so you can get some sleep.”

Belle reached out to him. “Stay here. You belong here, in _our_ bed. From now on everything is ours. I would look at our clothes hanging together in the closet every morning and it just felt right. I want the man I love to hold me every night while I sleep. Please.”

Rafe smiled warmly. He climbed into the bed and pulled the covers over them. He spooned up behind her and they sighed in unison. They were a perfect fit. Rafe whispered into Belle’s ear, “Marry me Belle.” Belle felt as if she might explode with sunshine at his words. She had worried about losing her identity, but now she understood that it’s something that can grow and change. She mewed happily and answered. “As soon as possible.” He pressed a kiss to her hair and chuckled. “Belle Gold. My little golden bell.”

 

 

 

 

 

  


 

 

 

 

 


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